First off… If you’re turned off by the title, then, and especially then, read this post… It’s probably not about what you think it is.

In any case… it’s that time of the week again… Time for AskRomeo’s “With a Little Help from our Friends.”  Here in episode 3, we once again present some great thoughts from our friend and colleague, hypnotist and dating coach Bill Gladwell.   (Previous “episodes” are available here and here.)

Bill recently posted a really smart article entitled How to Be a Playa.  The title is… ironic, since it probably doesn’t discuss what you think it does.  Here’s an excerpt:

…What prompted this column is a recent uprising of public opinion.  Apparently, I have graduated to the status of “Playa”.

Some of my female friends have told me to “embrace it”, so I am.

Upon initially hearing my new designation, I did not know if I should view it as a compliment or take it as an insult.  I decided that I would take it as a compliment, because that will piss off all of you who meant it as an insult.  And I know you haters are reading this… you know who you are.

So, I had to really think about what a Playa was.  Of course, Playa is slang for the term Player…

The haters’ definition of a Playa is…

A Playa is a man who uses women for sex or other favors by manipulating them to fall in love.  Also a “male slut”.  In other words, a Playa is someone who is getting a lot of sex from many different girls…

But Bill refuses to define himself based on what other people think of him.  Bill rejects this definition of “playa” and redefines it for himself… and he redefines it in a way that he wants.

So what’s Bill’s definition of a Playa?  (And for Bill, that’s the only definition that counts…)

A Playa is any person who is involved and influential in any activity.  A person who is an expert at what he does.  A person who is very sociable by nature.  A Playa is a person who commands respect, and confidence pours out of his very being.

This definition is much more fitting for me.

I am confident, I am sociable by my very nature, and I command respect.  In other words… I am a leader, and people listen to me…

Click here to read the whole thing.  And pay special attention to the last sentence:

If you want to be a Playa too, focus on being your very best and on helping others.  If you are focused on what is in it for you, then you are nothing more than a manipulative jerk.

[Or, in AskRomeo terms, a Playa is a "10" who is not outcome-oriented.  More on that in a future post.]

Until next time,

Pete