Posted by Jae Ellis on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
Filed under Dating, Fundamentals, News
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3 Responses to “Dating and Attraction 101 Preview…”
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July 23rd, 2008 at 6:44 pm
All right Jae, it’s like this…
I would love to be one of the three who rolls out with you guys in LA. Because my story spans years, it’s going to hard to say that I got quick results with your ideas here. But in a way, I have. Let me explain.
I’m an overweight, gray-haired 50 year old man. When I was in my 20s, women used to come to me, sometimes asking me to dance, telling me they wanted to be with me, or simply asking if they could spend the night. Not always. But enough to make me lazy about social dynamics, pickup, or whatever you want to call it.
After living it up for several years, I got married…and years later, after getting divorced, I found that women weren’t picking me up anymore.
I then embarked on a journey while in my late 40s to learn something about this social dynamics stuff. I put up a little review website so I could report on what I learned. And because of the website, I’ve tried various approaches with women, even when they were clearly not congruent with my personality.
But I’ve found that just being my authentic self and having fun, has brought me better results than all the tactics. And looking back through the years, I realized that this has ALWAYS been the case.
So about a week and half ago with your little You-Tube lessons in mind, I observed this woman at Starbucks and dropped the tactics that had gotten me phone nunbers but few dates, and just decided to be authentic with her and have some fun.
Well, I not only got he number, but after leaving Starbucks, she had me double-check her number in the parking lot just to make sure I had the right number. Now THAT was cool. I told her I’d be out of town for a few days but that we’d go get a drink when I came back. So this last Sunday, I met her a bar, had a few drinks with her, some lively conversation, and she followed me back to my place for a very entertaining evening.
Granted, it ended up being more of a sexual thing than anything else, but I had fun both with the authentic aproach…and with her! Now, it’s just a matter of tightening up these skills when you guys invite me to join you in LA!
July 24th, 2008 at 7:35 am
James…
…well done. It really is profound, and extraordinary, when you give up trying to pretend anything socially and just state whats so. Bold, direct, authentic and courageous.
Women almost never experience that. They’re hungry for it. And the results are often unpredictable breakthroughs, outside of what was previously thought possible.
This is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping would happen for people. Rock on James.
…follow up with her. You have a say in what the interaction means/meant. If you say it was just sex, then it was just sex. If you want to see her again, romance her, or more, you get to say that too.
Social reality is entirely up for grabs, shape it how you will.
Love and respect,
-Jae
“Be the source of your experience” -Warner Erhard
July 25th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Hey Jae…
Appreciate the feedback and advice! Going the bold, direct, and authentic route also frees us up from the “pickup artist” mentality which for a person like me is just what the love doctor ordered.
And if we’re being authentic, we’re less likely to affected by “rejection”. Day before yesterday, I was back at Starbucks. Not to pickup, but to be out of the house while I check my emails over a cup of coffee. Well, I notice an interesting looking gal sitting in the corner with her notebook, and after making eye contact with her, I walked up and said hello. We chatted briefly but as it turns out, she didn’t give up her number, saying she had a boyfriend…currently overseas and she didn’t think it would be right.
What the authentic thing did for me in this situation was allow me to remain relaxed and comfortable throughout the whole exchange without even the slightest thought of the interaction being a rejection. Before leaving, we chatted a little more and there was absolutely no awkwardness.
And not to beat the Starbucks thing into the ground, but…I happened to be there this afternoon and noticed that the manager was extra friendly to me. So in the spirit of being authentic, I start chatting with her and she tells me she thinks men are afraid of her because she’s she’s not into sex outside of marriage. So I tell her, “Well, then I’m definitely NOT the right guy for you…but I suppose we could be friends. Ok…what’s your number?” She laughs and with a couple customers watching, she gives me her number. Don’t know how THAT will turn out, but like you say, social reality is entirely up for grabs…
All right, can’t wait to hear how the other men are doing with your concepts!!